okay. . rewind time (cos my life is a tape and i have the ability to do that)
Dear yang,
after reading the last post you wrote, (self reflections) and thinking about it now, is actually really difficult as so much has happened between then and now. i think back at that time, i really felt your honesty was something worth believing in. and still is of course. Although it did make me cry on the inside (hopefully you didn't see any tears), having a chance to reread that bible passage always forces me to reflect on myself, and how much effort and love i am putting in to this relationship. and yes sometimes I do think that I don't try hard enough etc.
sorry as this is a few days ago, random bits of reflection are coming to mind okay ^^
if you have the time please read she and her cat again now ------------->
the one thing that stood out from that piece was not to hurt her, and I do promise that I will try not to hurt you any more. The things that I've said that were 'weird' I really didn't have that intention and I'm sorry once again. To me those things were normal, as a girl and to my friends that would sometimes pop into our conversations at school, and as you know, my friends are pretty weird too. I came to the realisation that I really don't know what life as a boy is like, and Im sorry for not being considerate. then again there are probably somethings that girls do that you wouldn't understand. that didnt make sense @.@ anyways. I must say that sometimes things don't come out of my mouth very well. more often than i want actually. . = = and yes sometimes I do realise that what I've said could be taken the wrong way or misunderstood, but I hope that you don't interpret it that way. . although i know that you will. and i do wish that I could take back anything i said that hurt you.
so now that you have been given the great opportunity to attend the Australian National University, I have decided to make this work, and to keep this relationship going because you are very dear to me, and you will stay in my heart forever. the thing i want to keep most is. . .YOU. but also i think its important to keep communicating yeh yeh. . otherwise you'll forget about me :( soooo whenever you can (no pressure) tell me about what's happening in your life. it fascinates me. what you're doing, learning, don't forget to teach me too! dreams you've had, what you ate last night, what music you're listening to etc. and i too will tell you about my projects, that i cut my finger with a laser, that i moulded metal and plastic. what current art exhibits are on, any festivals i've been to, any weird designer fashion i happen to come across. and i hopein this way, even though i don't get to see you, you will still be very much a part of my life. i understand that you'll be busy and please do spend most of your time studying so that you can achieve what you deserve, but let us persevere through these 5 years okay? ^^
from now on I will do whatever I can to hope for you, to protect you, and to love you.
-tracy
